Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
