between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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