So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
