Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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