I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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