long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
