Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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