i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize