My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
