is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
