Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
