i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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