Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
