so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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