omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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