Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I can text with my tongue
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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