Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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