I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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