You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
