I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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