she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
