she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
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I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
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in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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