Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She needs sedatives and a leash
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
