all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
