Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
