TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
