You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
