You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
