I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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