Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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