Please, let me fuck your mom
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
