covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
