I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
