The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
