I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
