We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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