Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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