The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize