just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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