my mouth tastes like poor choices
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize