1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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