Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
