My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
