The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
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Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
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I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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