I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
