So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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