I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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