She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
