If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
this hospital has no fireball
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
