I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
pop tarts are not kleenex
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
