I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
