I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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