He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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