Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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