Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
