Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
