forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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