I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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