Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
the raccoons are back...
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