I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
