Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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