the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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