I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
