At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
