All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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