So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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