I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
