Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
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Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
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Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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