I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
