i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
