walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
